A new possibility, I'm scared - Anapanasati Day 1

Sitting amongst others, I arrive one minute late and the Lama Daniel was already in talk. He welcomed me in. I sat down and organized my sunglasses, purse and waterbottle like an urban lululemon yogi. I sort myself out quickly and listen intently, awaiting instructions as this is the first class for me (up to the third class for others). Minimal instructions occur and away we go. 40 minutes he says, I cringe and wonder HOW AM I GONNA DO 40 MINUTES OF MEDITATION?!

So it went like this .... la la la la, looking at the floor, thinking, breathing, thinking. focus focus! I was acutely aware of the noises outside as people went about their way: children talking and asking questions, foreign language spoken next door, honk honk, cars starting, driving. The sounds were unexpectedly peaceful as I felt the safety of the community inside the room and the I acknowledged those people outside were going about their business. It seemed almost joyful, I'd join them in 38 minutes!! I continued to try and focus on that spot on the floor, beautiful dark smoky blue wooden grains with a dirty footprint beside it. Focus focus, thinking about the days events, I need to check Don's voicemail, thinking. Neutral thoughts, nothing too painful. Mildly uncomfortable on the plastic chairs. Listening to the others' sounds, seeing their movements in my peripheral vision.

The largest awareness I had was focussing on the blue floor and noticing the footprint had a beautiful quality about it. I saw it from a perspective I had not seen before ... then I realized in that moment I could see things from a different perspective. How do I train my brain to see my world agilely from different places?? It's a good question, something to think about.